Warden's Solace
by Noir Productions
Summary: Expansion on my "Road to Ostagar" Fic. Cousland and Duncan find their tension almost unbearable between each other as they struggle through their trek to Ostagar. R&R Please!


Warden's Solace

(This is an expansion from my _Road to Ostagar_ fic. I needed the love, then I ended it tragically. You should expect it by now. R&R please!)

As the night swiftly crawled at out heels, I looked to my left as Duncan seemed to speed up. We've been on foot for hours and he didn't seem to be breaking a sweat. Ever since the first night we were on the road, he seemed to be distant with me. Had I done something to offend him deeply? Deeply to the point of near silence? I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to prod the man with incessant questioning. As we were forced off a trail into the dirt and muck, I found myself wishing for a horse to ride on. It would have cut our journey time in half, but we hadn't really had the opportunity to steal a horse from our stables. Time hadn't been on our side at the time, but it was hard not to wish. The chilled wind seemed to pick up, tossing my chestnut brown locks into my face. My light brown eyes lifted to stare at my leader, the wind causing them to flutter closed. It was cold, and it grew colder by the night. Whenever we were forced to set up camp, I knew it seemed to weigh on the older gentleman. He didn't like being trapped in the tent alone with me. And I understood why.

_I gasped as I felt his hand against my wrist, his brown eyes opening as he looked up at me. He slowly sat up, his hand still gripping my wrist as he looked down at me intensely. I felt a heat bubbling in my stomach as I stared up at him, meeting the intensity of his gaze. What would he say, what would he do? My lips parted, trembling slightly as his thumb moved against the soft skin of the palm of my hand. I felt my chest rise and fall rapidly as I moved closer to him, the heat of his chest against my stomach. Then, he let his gaze pull away from mine before speaking._

_"I hope you had a decent rest. We must continue onward to Ostagar."_

_Then it was back to business. He slipped out of the tent without another word, leaving me sitting there speechless yet again._

Had I given him the wrong idea that morning? I've always been a rather forward young woman, but never to the point of making someone uncomfortable around me. However, I cannot deny the way it felt to have his touch against me. It had been unintentional of course, but I couldn't help it when he was so close. He was a man of honor, experience, and morality that I held nothing but admiration for. I just wondered what he was thinking at times.

I lifted my gaze to him as he paused for a moment, surveying the land before he slowly turned back to look at me. I gripped the edge of my armor before he gave me a firm nod.

"We will set up here. I'm going to scout first, I will return."

Then he was gone, leaving me there with our pack and my mabari hound at my side. I sighed, tossing the pack to the Earth beneath me before I began setting things up. Shortly after, I noticed Duncan returning as he dropped a pile of wood at my feet as I set the fire pit. The darkness was beginning to creep across the land as he reached for the tent and began setting it up for us. No words were exchanged between the two of us as I set the fire ablaze. I slowly started to strip off my armor, leaving it off to the side before I pulled my hair out of my face to stare into the flames before me. I knew that we'd be at this for the better part of the week before we'd reach our destination. Traveling by foot was never simple. I looked to my hound before I looked up to see Duncan taking a seat by the fire beside me, but at a short distance from me. I looked away as my eyes glared into the flame. Should I speak? After a long silence drifted between us, I finally spoke out.

"Duncan, if I have offended you in any way, I wish to apologize to you."

I looked from the fire to him as he looked back at me, our gazes fixing on each other for a moment before he looked away first. I sighed gently to myself, thinking that would be the end of it. Silence was common between the two of us it seemed. However, tonight was different. Duncan heaved a sigh before looking back to me.

"You have nothing to apologize for, my lady. It's merely my own…issue."

He seemed to dance around a point that I wasn't exactly clued in on. He looked away, staring into the licking flames. I wondered if he would continue or not, but I remained silent just in case. He seemed unsure for a moment before he leaned back and allowed his gaze to fall back to me.

"Since my oath, I have found it easier to live out my life free of…distractions."

He chose his words carefully, meticulously as I watched him carefully. Distractions? What was he referring to exactly? Was he saying that _I_ was a distraction? He pawed at the fire with a stick before looking at me again. It seemed to be increasingly difficult for him to look at me for an extended amount of time.

"Less complication, less…pain."

And that's when it clicked in my mind. After becoming a grey warden, you were forced to say goodbye to your old life. In all fairness, I was no longer the daughter of the teryn of Highever. Not just because of my father's wrongful demise, but because I had been recruited into the ranks of the Grey Wardens. An act that couldn't be undone. So it was possible that Duncan could have a life before all of this. A wife, a family, all of which were things that most men in Ferelden had. I ran my fingers through my dark locks before his voice drew me back in.

"That morning, I felt awful. You didn't deserve that and I believe that I am the one who should apologize to you, Elyse…"

Then he rose to his feet and stood there, towering over the fire before moving away from me and into the tent. Where we would inevitably have to share. I lingered near the camp fire, my hand stroking through my hound's fur before I found my gaze fluttering to that of the tent. I heard the rustling of him inside, taking his armor off for the night. Dare I enter without permission, despite it being where we both had to sleep? After much contemplation, I heaved a gentle sigh before looking down at my hound as he gave me a tilted look.

I pulled the entrance of the tent open to allow my lithe form entry. He stopped there, his back to me as he allowed his sword to fall to the ground below. He didn't look at me as I moved inside farther, falling to my knees silently before I lowered my head. My chestnut brown locks fell around both sides of my face before I reached out a hand to him. It came in contact with his firm back, his head turning to the side as if to try and look at me but not completely. I felt a shuddered breathe leave me as I moved closer to him. What was I doing?

"My lady—"

"How long…has it been since you've felt the touch of a woman, Duncan?"

I felt him stiffen then, not sure where I was going with this. He turned toward me in that moment and grabbed hold of my wrist, just like he had that morning in the tent so many days ago. I gulped a bit as he stared down at me, the intensity of his gaze almost too hard to bear. He then shook his head at me, his grip firm but somehow gentle on my wrist as he attempted to speak.

"This…cannot happen, Elyse. No matter the length of time since I've been intimate with a woman, this cannot blur the lines. I won't…allow it."

I felt the heat again, the same sensation that had made it's way up my chest the last time we were this close to each other. As his words filtered from his lips, one thing remained true. He hadn't moved an inch from me, nor let go of me. I slowly slid my wrist downward, forcing the palm of my hand into his. He looked down at our interwoven hands, and it seemed to frighten him a bit.

"I wasn't asking you to bed me, Duncan."

I confessed, my deep brown gaze forcing him to look at me. I reached with my free hand, my fingertips grazing his worn cheek. He turned his face from me at first before my fingers seemed to splay across the plains of his face. He looked down at me carefully, unsure of himself for what may have been the first time in his life. I shook my head gently, my eyes darting from side to side as I searched his eyes carefully. He then moved closer to me, the heat of my body getting to him. I felt his broad chest connect with my slender and much smaller form. Maker, he was so much larger than me. My eyes slid closed as I felt a firm, calloused hand move against the side of my neck and through my hair. It was a hesitant touch of course, but a touch nonetheless. Words meant nothing at this point as I forced my eyes to open. My lips parted gently as I stared up at him intently, wondering what he'd do next. His hand rested firmly against the back of my neck, his fingers weaving through my delicate hair slowly. Then it seemed to fade into nothing as his face moved closer to mine. His nose brushed against mine as my hand slowly slid from the side of his face toward his lips. My fingertips seemed to move against his lips gently, curling against them as I awaited them. Then they connected with my lips, warm against mine as I inhaled sharply while kissing him back. He pulled me closer against him, relishing in the sensation as my hand moved to rest against the back of his head, tangling in his hair. It was a moment that could only be described as two people getting lost in each other. To know what it felt like to be close to another person when the darkness was all you really knew.

Our lips parted from each other's, a shuddered exhale leaving me as I slowly let my eyes open to see him. He looked down at me, the intensity returning as his hand slowly moved against the side of my face slowly. It was a gentleness that I relished in, as I turned my face into his palm. My lips grazed against his calloused hand, letting my eyes close yet again. He then closed his eyes, our foreheads meeting slowly as I rested both hands against the sides of his face. Intimacy had many faces. Love, lust, or even just closeness. It was natural to crave that intimacy in any form.

"Elyse—"

"It's alright. You don't have to speak."

I whispered softly to him before the night seemed to consume us both. The last thing I remembered before slumber took hold of me was the sound of his steady breathing and the sensation of that breath on my throat.

I awoke to the sound of birds singing, the sun just beginning to curve over the horizon as the day began. I allowed my eyes to open slowly, my hand moving up to brush my hair out of my face. I then felt a pressure against my side before I slowly looked down to see that Duncan's arm was draped across my small body. I slowly turned to look at him, still asleep beside me. A smile slowly curved my lips as I reached over, my fingertips moving against the beard on his face. The night had been simple, yet holding a beauty that I couldn't completely describe. The touches had been tender and patient. The urgency was in the need to be close to someone, not to let a carnal instinct take over. It had remained chaste, and yet, it felt like I had been closer to him than anyone ever could be. To see into a soul with only a simple touch, it was wonderful. My eyelids fluttered gently as I turned my body to face his slowly. His palm slid across my stomach as I moved before moving to rest against my side, the motion jarring him awake gently. His deep brown eyes mirrored mine as he looked down at me carefully. He took the few moments to gather his thoughts, and regain the events of last night. Before long, a giggle left my lips as I leaned my head against his arm slightly. He looked down at me for a lingering moment before he actually cracked a smile of his own. Something I longed to see. I bit down on my bottom lip as I allowed my gaze to lift to him, his hand finding its way to run down my hair.

"We best get moving."

Duncan said gently, his larger form slowly lifting off the bed roll. I pulled myself up, my hair falling over my shoulders as I watched him carefully with shielded eyes. I sighed, less than impressed as I moved about getting ready to carry on.

The rain beat down on the pair of us as the trudged onward, the wind picking up and making it far colder than it normally felt. I could see that my mabari wasn't having it, as he dipped his head out of the way of the wind, trying to beat on through the rain. Duncan continued his back to me as he moved single file down a slender path. It was harsh, cold, and I was at my wit's end.

"Duncan, we must get out of this rain!"

I called out to him over the sound of the beating rain, thunder roaring above us in such an offending way it made my hound dip his head closer to the ground below us. Duncan gave a sideways glance over his shoulder at me before lifting it back toward the path before us. I knew he wanted to get us to Ostagar as soon as possible, but we weren't making a difference in this din. It was beginning to be too much. I lifted my gloved hand to shield my caramel gaze from the pelting shards before I felt warmth against me. I lowered my hand to see Duncan standing in front of me, looking for a good place to set up a camp, at least until the storm passed. I looked down at my hound as he seemed to cower against my legs, trying to find some form of shelter in me. I let my hand reach down to stroke his soaking fur before Duncan led us off the narrow path we were on and into the woods. Anything to get out of the rain.

The sound of the wind ripping through the trees and bashing into the side of the tent seemed to leave my hound uneasy as he huddled himself in a corner, staring at the two of us as Duncan and I sat in silence. I looked over at him as I pulled my hair free, feeling it slide over my shoulders before looking back down into my lap. No words were spoken, before I felt a hand against the side of my face, brushing stray strands of my hair away. I felt his fingertips against the side of my face, feeling him brush the hair behind my ear. It was a simple, yet delicate gesture that I appreciated. I allowed my eyes to close as I moved my body closer to his, the sound of our armor clinking together causing an amused look on his face before wrapped his arms around me. In that moment, I realized that we would soon reach our destination, and in that, whatever it was that the two of us ha would have to be put on hold. It would be all business from here on out for Andraste knows how long. I looked up at him, these thoughts coursing through my mind at a million miles per second. In that moment, it almost seemed like Duncan had sensed what I was feeling, what I was thinking, for when our gazes connected with each other, I felt something change. Before long, our lips were dancing together in a perfectly synchronized fashion, my fingers gripping at the leather straps that held his armor to him. At first, I feared he would stop me, halt my actions before anything could become of them. What shocked me next was the sensation of his hands on me, undoing the straps holding my armor together. A mutual, unspoken understanding had been received, and now all I wanted to do was make sure we made the best of it. In a matter of moments, the armor was removed from our bodies and my back was pressed into the bedroll beneath me. He hovered above me for a moment, staring into my eyes as his hand moved to rest against the side of my face. I could see he hesitation in his eyes, but there was no turning back now. I reached out to him and allowed my palm to cradle the side of his neck, my thumb stroking the side of his face as I gave him the silent approval to proceed. You never know when a moment would be your last. As his lips crashed against mine, I allowed myself to dash all inhibitions toward the whole thing. His hands roamed over my sides, hiking up the edges of the linens my soft body was draped in. Suddenly everything went cloudy in an instant, and my eyes slid closed to lose myself completely.

The sound of blades clashing together in my mind still rang louder than ever as I walked through the ruined valley at Ostagar. My boots crushed fallen twigs and snow as the chilled wind tossed my chestnut locks into my face. The temperature of the wind bit at my pale face, my deep brown eyes scanning vigorously over the terrain. I didn't know what I was hoping to find really. Closure? Straggling darkspawn who I could pretend were responsible for everything? I came into a clearing, and my heart sank as I stared at the sight before me. I felt the heat of another person beside me as Alistair caught sight of what I was staring at. It was what I was both looking for, and hoping I wouldn't find. I approached slowly, the sound of my swords clinking against the surface of my armor, my boots crunching in the hardening snow, almost echoing through the silence of the ruins of Ostagar. I could sense Alistair's hesitation as we came up on what were indeed Duncan's remains. I wanted to remain strong, steely, but nothing had prepared me for what was about to see. The wind tousled his brown hair as his body remained so still, I could feel my chest tightening up. I listened to the sound of Alistair's shuddered intact of breath, but the young man wasn't prepared for my reaction as I dropped to my knees, the sound of the snow crunching beneath my weight as I grunted painfully. His skin was ashened, almost blue as I reached out to him. My fingers curled away from him at first, a choking sound escaping my lips as I felt the hot tears swelling in my eyelids. I could almost hear the sound of his soothing voice echoing in my mind, telling me not to cry for him.

"Oh Maker, I'm so sorry."

I choked, tears finally spilling against my alabaster cheeks, my hand finally resting against his back. It was stained with dark, dried blood. I couldn't tell if it was merely his own or a mixture of multiple bodies. After much effort, I managed to turn Duncan's body onto his back, grunting in effort as I did so. I looked him over, his eyes almost white and glazed over from the time that had passed since his body had shut down completely. I couldn't take the sight as I shrieked, closing my eyes as fierce tears streamed down my face. I gingerly, almost painfully lowered my hand to his face, feeling how cold it really was. Alistair stood before me, not sure how to take what was happening before him. My hair tossed in the wind as I reached over, pulling his eyelids down over his eyes to conceal his empty stare. I allowed the palm of my hand to rest against his face, my body trembling as I slowly lowered my forehead to his. How I wished I had been there to protect him, or at least to die with him. I held his body tightly to mine as I finally was allowed to grieve for him. However, that grief was cut short by the sound of shifting. Alistair drew his blade, and I slowly lifted my head from Duncan's to see the ogre body that had been laying nearby start to rise. The look in my eyes was dangerous, menacing as I held Duncan even tighter to me.

"Elyse—"

Alistair stepped back a bit, watching as the darkspawn giant let out a glutteral roar. That was when I saw Duncan's blades embedded in it's chest and I knew what I had to do. I gently let Duncan's body rest against the snow carefully before I stood my ground for a moment, tears still trembling down my face. As the ogre charged in my direction, I found myself shouting incoherently at the creature before charging at it myself.

"Elyse!"

I didn't listen to my fellow gray warden as I launched myself into the air, sword drawn as I plunged my blade directly into the ogre's face and out the back of its head. It didn't have time to react as its dead body slammed into the ground below. I screamed as I yanked my sword free from its skull with a sickening sound. I sat there, staring at the congealed blood that dripped off the edge of my blade. I then looked down at the hilts of both of Duncan's blades sticking freely from the dead creatures chest. After sheathing my sword, I took it upon myself to wrap both hands around them and pulled with a grunt. I watched as they were pulled free, my body rolling off the dead darkspawn's body from the force. I landed on my feet, both blades wrapped firmly in my hands as I stood there silently for a moment. When Alistair approached me, a hurt expression on his face as he stared at me carefully.

"Are you—"

He cut himself when he watched me lift one of Duncan's blades and in one swift motion, severed the already deceased ogre's head clean off. Just for good measure. He knew now that speaking wasn't the best idea, watching as I approached Duncan's lifeless body lying in the snow still. A part of me wished I could beg the Maker to return him to me, but I knew it wouldn't be of any use. He was with Andraste now, and perhaps that was better. Free of the Blight. Free of destiny. He could rest now, and I could only pray that he was happy where he was, blissfully so. For when you loved someone, that's all you ever wanted for them. I turned away, my eyes connecting with Alistair's as a single tear rolled down my cheek and curved underneath my chin.

"Start a pyre."


End file.
